Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
