So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
