I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
