so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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