the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
