maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
