i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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