at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
