Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
