I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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