You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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