When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you didnt know i had herpes?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
