one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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