I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
