you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
