So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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