Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
