im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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