have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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