Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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