Michael Bay diarrhea
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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