Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
