Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
