you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Is it penis luge time yet?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
