Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
