Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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