3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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