no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
