what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
