So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
