Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just had sex on a roof
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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