Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
