Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
