You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
