It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
