i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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