You just made me feel so damn special
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
