shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
