the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
