True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
