just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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