i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
