My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
