i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
