You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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