omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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