You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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