Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
