If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
