Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
