Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
