Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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