try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
