I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
