the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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