How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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