What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
